It’s 10am on a Tuesday morning, and I’m with my kids at the park. My two-year-old is running rampant. My 7-month-old is snoozing peacefully in the pram. One of my hands is holding a large skim cappuccino, and the other is using my phone in blessed peace and quiet.
“I’m not a bad parent” For some reason, this innocent act has become synonymous with being a “bad” parent. Older generations love to point to Millennial parents using their phones while their kids play as an example of exactly where our technology-obsessed society has gone wrong. In response, there’s a lot of content online imploring people not to judge moms for using their phones at the playground. It all runs along the same lines: “It’s not fair to say she’s a bad parent until you know what she’s using her phone for. Maybe she’s doing something really important. “Maybe this is the one chance a day she gets to check her work emails, or do online grocery shopping for the family. For all you know, she’s dealing with the logistics of a sick family member, or trying to get the family car registered, or buying second-hand-school uniforms. “Don’t judge her unless you know what she’s doing.”
“I’m not doing something important” Those are all fair points. If a fellow mom is using her time at the park to maximize her productivity, then all power to her (I’m honestly jealous). As it happens, though, none of those “acceptable” excuses for phone use apply to me. I’m not on my phone for the greater good of my children. I’m not earning extra income from a side hustle or sorting out childcare. I’m not, actually, doing anything that anyone else would deem important at all. I’m scrolling Instagram. I’m considering buying the same pair of “stylish” track pants I’ve had my eye on for six weeks. I’m reading a long chain of comments in a Facebook parents’ group about tips for babies who refuse the bottle. I’m texting a friend to compare how many times our babies woke us up the night before (long story short: many times). I am, in all honesty, just having a little break, because sometimes being a parent all day is quite hard, and sometimes it is also quite boring.
In my other life as an office worker, I have many brief moments of respite where I can use my phone in perfect peace. I have a coffee break, a lunch break, any number of tea breaks, and of course the occasional bathroom break in which I may or may not quickly watch three Instagram stories just to keep up with what’s going on in the world. In my life as a mum, however, the opportunities to have a cheeky peek at my phone are few and far between. When my kids were younger, I felt completely fine about spending a wake window having an hour-long text conversation with a fellow mum friend (I’m pretty sure a newborn baby can’t see further than their own fist, so they certainly weren’t going to dob me in to the Parenting Police). But now that I have a toddler who has learned to say “put your phone DOWN!”, I’m making a concerted effort to put my phone away so I can fully connect with my kids while we’re playing or reading. I know it’s important that they don’t only see my face from behind my phone screen. They need to engage with me directly to learn and develop, and I need to model responsible screentime back to them in return.
That’s why, when we arrive at the park, and they’re finally distracted by things which are not me, I jump straight onto my phone with absolutely no regrets. I don’t need to justify it by pretending I’m doing something worthwhile – although, to be fair, talking with other mums who are also in the trenches of raising young kids has huge benefits to my mental health. I’m only doing what every other person in the workforce gets to do multiple times a day. I’m still watching my kids, but I’m not engaging with them. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s perfectly good enough.
