When three isn’t a crowd

The practice of polygamy (more than two people consensually in a marriage) has made a tumultuous debut on Bigg Boss OTT 3, where popular YouTuber Armaan Malik is a contestant, along with his “wives” Payal Malik and Kritika Malik. “Behind every successful man there is a woman,” quipped the host Anil Kapoor, “And sometimes there are two!” The women, onscreen at least, seemed to be on easy, good terms, and the nonplussed husband laughed alongside them. Of course, that they’ve decided to out their lifestyle on Bigg Boss suggests a canny plan of creating a stir; we know that on reality TV nothing succeeds like shock value. Sure enough, outraged reactions on Twitter at this “gross, illegal and filthy” trio, blamed the producers for lack of ideas that lead them to focus on a “trashy” ménage à trois for entertainment. It’s a thought that because many of the users tend to be older, the Twitter landscape no longer accurately reflects the headspace of India’s urban 20 to 35-year-olds. Young singles, it turns out, are less enamoured of old fashioned commitment, which is increasingly seen as not a one-size-fits-all model. A new generation is aware they needn’t follow the same drill, the beaten path of school, college, job and marriage, the bane of Indian existence so far. Online dating has opened up a range of possibilities that subtly challenge traditional, Indian middle class ambitions of owning a flat, a car and having two children. A quick glance through Tinder India’s website reveals that in 2023 they introduced a new feature called “Relationship Types” to allow users to be specific about what they’re looking for. Choices include ‘monogamy’, ‘ethical non-monogamy’, ‘polyamory’ and ‘open to exploring’. A significantly large proportion, 41% of users, are open to or are seeking non-monogamous relationships and multiple romantic connections, simultaneously. So, the data suggests the Malik family arrangement isn’t quite that unusual; there are plenty of people out there disregarding conventional goals and redefining their romantic futures based on their individual needs. Is this a cultural shift unfolding (in no small part due to cynicism about the myth of marital bliss), or are the youth today enjoying themselves so much they prefer to prolong this extended, responsibility-free adolescence? Most likely, it’s just a phase to notch up some life experience that will come in handy at the point of negotiating the complications within real relationships. The upside of financial security is having the freedom to choose, the only danger being dating apps are like a buffet at a five-star coffee shop: you want to try everything because it all looks sumptuous but nothing tastes especially good. The paradox of choice is that as options increase so does the difficulty of knowing what’s best. But old habits die hard. In time, the majority will get around to marrying. At least, there is much more acceptance for the idea that there is no universally correct way to live. Pressures of timelines and labels have lost relevance. The Tinder tagline, ‘It starts with a swipe’, has captured imaginations and postponed the breathless hurtling towards the altar that Indians have always favoured. Interestingly, stories about couples in unconventional arrangements are an enduring theme on OTT platforms currently: in Couple to Throuple (Jio Cinema) single people become the third wheel to couples after a messy and long-winded process. In Couples Therapy, intense conversations between real couples in crisis features a polyamorous trio whose home lives are exactly as difficult as anybody in a fraught marriage. It makes one wonder whether the unforgettable stories of romantic love, dreamy sagas like Doctor Zhivago and Gone with the Wind are somewhat dated; a thing of the past, to be consigned to history. Alas, the novel of love will have to change dramatically to reflect the postmodern world of no-strings-attached and total freedom. The writer is director, Hutkay Films