Performing her stand-up show by night and caring for her children by day means Katherine Ryan is run off her feet. Yet despite driving for hours to make sure she’s home after nearly every gig, the mum-of-three admits she still feels overwhelmed by mum guilt. “It is different touring as a mum. I don’t mean to disparage the male comedians in my industry – some of them are wonderful, hands on dads – but I don’t see the same level of zigzagging back and forth,” she says. “There’s always going to be guilt.”
Katherine, 41, is just one-fifth of the way through her European tour Battleaxe, but tries to make it home every night so she can wake up to Violet, 15, Fred, three, and Fenna, one. “I FaceTime them if I’m in Europe but if I’m in the north of England or anything less than three hours away, then I come home,” she says. “There was one weekend where it was raining a lot. I was in Bradford, then Warrington, then Manchester and then Stoke, and there were floods.
“It was a bit silly to be zigzagging back and forth but Fred had his assessments for reception and Violet had her assessments for sixth form. There are things going on. It’s probably not climate-friendly but I drive back and forth because then I can be home in the morning and I can be home for the day.”
The comedian has become a staple of British TV over the past decade, hosting series such as Your Face Or Mine and All That Glitters, and dominating panel shows alongside Jimmy Carr, David Mitchell, and Dara O’Briain. From popping up on The Masked Singer last year to becoming a new judge on Canada’s Got Talent, Katherine is booked and busy. Despite being one of the most successful comedians in the UK, balancing her work and personal life is still a mammoth task. “I feel guilty about being away in Canada, especially for 10 days. That’s the longest I’ve been away from anyone – even Violet. It’ll be weird. I try to be at home as much as I can. Plus, I love being at home.”
Thankfully, Katherine has the help of her partner Bobby Kootstra, her childhood sweetheart who she entered into a civil partnership with in 2019 after the pair reconnected the year before. However, navigating parenthood with Bobby has taken some getting used to for Katherine – who welcomed Violet into the world aged 25 with an ex-boyfriend before raising her alone. “I know for single mothers who are financially insecure like I was, I would hate for them to hear me say that it was magical and the best years of my life but that really is how I feel,” she admits.
“It probably was harder but I don’t remember that part. I just remember the closeness that we had, the unique relationship that you have with your daughter when you’re a single mother. She was so easy and emotionally mature and so portable. Now Bobby has come into the picture, the babies are here and everyone is well supported because we’re a family unit.” She adds, “I think arguably it’s better for the children to have siblings and a dad at home, but Violet and I were really happy and I like to intensely love one thing or one person.”
Katherine reveals that she often forgets that she has to consider Bobby’s opinions when it comes to parenting their kids. “It really is a different dynamic now and I found it empowering as a single mother not to have to ask for anyone’s input,” she says. “Even today, I had my friend who is a builder come over to fix some cracks in the house. I didn’t tell Bobby I was doing that and he was like, ‘Isn’t he going to be in the way?’
“I just forget to consider that. As a single mum, you just power ahead at your own speed. I suffer from hyper independence as a trauma response, I always say to Bobby. Now I have to learn how to trust someone else, how to consider someone else and do things not my way.”
The Canadian comic admits that she would love to have more kids – but thinks she’s running out of time. “I’m old. I used to think I was going to be the babies’ dad because I’m working but actually I’m like their grandmother,” she quips. “My back hurts, sometimes I give them treats. I’m like a fun grandma.”
Katherine and Bobby explore fertility in the new series of their reality show Parental Guidance – and the statistics left Katherine shocked and have put her off having more children. “We’ve always gotten pregnant with the babies quite quickly. I’ve been pregnant five times in five years, but that also means I’ve had three miscarriages in five years and the likelihood of that increases as you get older. You have to find a balance between what you can personally stand and risks you’re willing to take. I’m working a lot and I don’t know if I could have a medical emergency like that while I’m in Lisbon on Thursday.”
While surrogacy is popular among celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Chrissy Teigen, Katherine has ruled it out. “It’s controversial to say but I wouldn’t want that labour – both literal and also the workload – to fall on another woman,” she says. “I think surrogacy is wonderful. It’s beautiful for people who are really eager to offer it and for couples who need it but for me, I think it would be exploitative.” For now, Katherine is focusing on work. “We’ve taken this year to focus on the tour. It’s the first time I’ve toured in a long time without a newborn or pregnancy and these are things that working mothers in every industry have to consider,” she says.
In Katherine Ryan: Battleaxe, the comic chats about everything from predators in the industry to being an older mum and having a teenage daughter. But she’s conscious of the way she jokes about her family on tour. “I’ve always respected this invisible boundary where I don’t think that what I say is ever exploitative,” she reveals. “I take the mick out of my husband quite a lot but he understands the cadence of comedy. Everyone in my family has a sense of humour – they don’t take anything too personally.
“Violet gives as good as she gets – I’m mostly mindful about her. I would never exploit her the way that I’ve heard male comedians talk about their daughter’s first periods. Maybe their daughters are fine with it but you have to consider what they might or might not be fine with five years down the line. This material exists forever.”
Unfortunately, that material is sometimes used by school bullies to taunt Violet – but she can hold her own. “Violet’s friends – or enemies – will say to her, ‘My mum says your mum has a nose job,’ which I don’t. They will try to bully her through me because there’s loads of me they can use as ammunition. They can find one of my TikToks and send it to Violet and say, ‘Your mum is so cringe.’ Violet luckily has inherited my imperviousness to that kind of criticism which I did not have when I was 15. I don’t know where she gets it from so young. She’s just like, ‘People are slagging you off again.’” Although there’s one area of Katherine’s stand-up that Violet – like any typical teen – has a problem hearing.
“The only thing she doesn’t like is any time I talk about having sex with my husband,” Katherine laughs. “She thinks that’s super cringe. She’ll be like, ‘You are disgusting. You have children.’ I’m like, ‘All I ever say about sex is that I barely have sex!’ It’s not like I’m out here, sex-positive, advertising dildos. It could be a lot worse!”
With Bobby at home cooking for the kids, dinner times are simpler – especially since the family have partnered with recipe box service Gousto. “I love the delicious meals that they’ve taught my husband to make. This project is called Get It Off My Plate and it’s all about getting some of those dinnertime dilemmas shared by people living these overwhelming lives,” Katherine says. “I don’t know how people choose what to eat seven days a week – we get Gousto four days a week which is great because it removes that stress.”
She adds, “Although sometimes I do gravitate towards #girldinner – like a gherkin out of the fridge that I wrap in cheese and put some mustard on it. Which is just disappointing.”
As Brits have more on their plate than ever before, Gousto takes a bite out of the to-do list to make planning, cooking and eating dinner as effortless (and delicious) as can be. Partnering with ambassador and comedian Katherine Ryan, and ceramicist ‘Margo in Margate’, Gousto launches the ‘Off My Plate’ ceramic plate range inviting Brits to get their mealtime mental load off their chest and onto Gousto’s plate. Visit gousto.co.uk/offmyplate to get your hands on a limited-edition plate.
