This cruise is for the whole community, with ‘inclusivity’ as the watchword (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg 2023) The first thing you need to know about VACAYA – the world’s first, biggest and most fun LGBTQ+ cruise – is that, should you decide to wear an outfit where your buttocks are exposed and you want to nip to the buffet for a burger and side salad, you’ll need to use one of the towels provided to wrap around your waist. Which seems only fair. We’ve flown to Miami on the incredible low-cost airline Norse Atlantic to pick up our cruise in Fort Lauderdale. If you’ve never been on a cruise, imagine this: a 13-storey boat/building – in our case, Celebrity Apex – that’s so big you rarely feel any boat-like movement. It pulls into places you may or may not get off at (we did Puerto Rico, grazed Saint Croix and passed on Antigua altogether). The liner feels like a glamorous five-star hotel crossed with a small town, and has a theatre, restaurants, a pool, nightclub, martini bar with grand piano, a casino, cafés, a poolside burger joint, spa, an indoor pool, boutiques and a business centre. There’s also a huge buffet with Indian and Chinese food, salads, burgers, pizzas, vegan and gluten-free dishes and desserts coming out of your ears. And all of this – the shows, food, seminars on tantric sex or lip fillers, the singer at the piano – is included in the price. Just ask and you shall receive. VACAYA has a more chilled vibe than its classic ‘gay cruise’ counterparts (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg) But of course, this is a cruise with a difference. The background to VACAYA is that someone from another cruise operation decided your classic ‘gay cruise’ was too raunchy, too clubby and too exclusive. They set up an LGBTQ+ cruise for the whole community, with ‘inclusivity’ as the watchword. And though the crowd is predominantly gay men, there’s a lounge for female, trans and non-binary guests. We even met a young married male and female couple in matching fluffy dressing gowns at the Tell Us Who You Are party. There are plenty of boat ready bods, but the cruise has body positive philosophy (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg 2024) ‘My husband is bisexual,’ said the woman, ‘so I thought we could both enjoy something like this.’ Judging by their smiling faces over the rest of the week, that plan panned out. Then there are dinners for single cruisers, mixers for non-Americans (most people are from the US), meet-and-greets for people in May-to-September relationships… no one is forgotten. The second thing you need to know about VACAYA (capitals, so you know they’re not messing about) is that although everyone likes to get ‘bikini-ready’ before a holiday, there’s no need to worry here. There’s a lounge for female, trans and non-binary guests (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg) VACAYA prides itself on inclusivity and body positivity so, while there’s no shortage of body-beautiful types, it took us just half an hour in swimwear to stop sucking in our guts. All shapes and sizes are represented, though the main demographic seems to be slightly older gay men in all manner of swimsuits – some of which would certainly require a towel in the buffet. The age of fellow cruisers range from their 20s to their 90s (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg 2024) Checking in, we saw a deaf and blind cruiser being met by a member of staff who has been trained to communicate by writing on hands with his finger. In fact, the deaf community on board is a thing unto itself, with reserved seating in the theatre and celebrity-like signers. We stepped out into Puerto Rico with signer Xavier and he was greeted with a flurry of sign language. When it comes to entertainment, we sipped martinis (for drinks, you can pay as you got or buy an unlimited package – being English, we did the later) from our seats while watching Alan Cumming, drag queen La Voix, and Vanessa Williams, who will soon be starring in Elton John’s new musical The Devil Wears Prada in London’s West End. Hollywood legend Vanessa Williams put on a show (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg 2024) La Voix is the real revelation of the entertainment roster, ripping the mickey out of everything and everyone with rude jokes about Vanessa and saying the $6,000 bingo prize would be just enough to buy ten minutes of wi-fi access. There are also parties galore, with the ship playing host to 3,000 up-for-it people aged from their 20s to 93 (seriously) dipping into two or three themed parties a day, all involving the most outrageous costumes possible. There was a pirate party with a young man wearing only an eye patch, a parrot and a cardboard ship to cover his modesty; a group of four dragged-up ‘bears’ – big, hairy gay men – with giant curlers singing into hairdryers swiped from their cabins at the Messy party; and another four in sparkly red majorette outfits for the Alternative Prom party. With multiple parties every day, make sure you bring the right outfits (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg 2023) In fact, one reason VACAYA has been such a smash hit – according to one regular we spoke to – was because it gives plenty of notice of party themes, so you have time to work on outfits. ‘I’ve been watching you around the pool,’ says Lilli, the on-board medium (why not!) in a seminar in the nightclub one morning as an audience member sits sobbing at her knee – and as I try to sleep off a hangover at the back. Team VACAYA will have you well looked after (Picture: Gabriel Goldberg 2023) ‘Your community looks after each other. Your community knows how to have fun with each other.’ And she’s not wrong – VACAYA is like a get-together of 3,000 of your closest friends. It’s just that some of them seem to prefer outfits with their buttocks showing. Things to know Book your VACAYA cruise (or resort holiday) at MyVacaya. We flew to Miami on Norse Atlantic – with prices from £395 in economy and £945 in premium.
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