Parenting is hazardous to your health. That’s the warning sent out last week by US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, the nation’s doctor, who issued a formal public-health advisory to Americans about this dreadful threat. Remember when the only time you heard from the surgeon general was via a notice on your cigarette package warning that consumption of tobacco was harmful? Now, the federal government is handing out a diagnosis of misery to those deciding to become parents — proclaiming, in a professionally produced video replete with scary statistics, that an alarming 41% of parents “say that most days they are so stressed they cannot function.” Murthy’s video quotes parents who proclaim dramatically, “I wake up every morning wondering: Can I get through another day?” and “I didn’t realize being a parent would be so lonely.” Recently, new research from Pew looked at the growing trend of childlessness in America. At the end of July, Pew reported, “The US fertility rate reached a historic low in 2023, with a growing share of women ages 25 to 44 having never given birth.” The share of childless American adults under 50 who say they will likely never have kids rose 10 percentage points, from 37% to 47%, between 2018 and 2023. The dire prescriptions of doom for parents from the US Surgeon General’s Office are exactly the kinds of messages that have led more and more Americans to decide to forgo parenthood. While almost four in 10 Americans without children over the age of 50 once wanted children, for those under that age, the number grows to almost six in 10. In short: It’s becoming much more common for childless Americans to be childless by choice, not by circumstance. Pew went on to report, “Majorities in both groups say not having kids has made it easier for them to afford the things they want, have time for hobbies and interests, and save for the future.” About 60% of the younger childless cohort “also say not having kids has made it easier for them to be successful in their job or career and to have an active social life.” To those who opted out of parenthood, their perception of the rewards of childlessness outweigh the benefits. Yet we are facing down the barrel of a fertility crisis in our country: Not enough Americans are becoming parents to sustain our society and our economic security. In the coming decades, we will increasingly see the ramifications of our shrinking fertility as our workforce declines, our military weakens and our social fabric tears. One would think that our government’s national messaging would emphasize the positive aspects of parenthood, given it is in our national interest for Americans to become parents. Meanwhile, there’s no lack of research supporting the idea that parenthood promotes happiness rather than gloom. The Institute for Family Studies found in 2022 that about 25% of married women without children classified themselves as “very happy” — and almost 40% of married women with children said the same. The cure for our national malaise — and it’s clear from the data on mental health that we are experiencing a crisis — isn’t turning what makes us happy into a medical issue, but promoting that which brings our lives joy, meaning and fulfillment. Pathologizing parenthood isn’t how we fix what’s wrong in our country; quite the opposite. In his discussion about how to solve this national crisis for parents, Murthy lists things that government agencies, employers and health-care professionals can do to support them. He recommends a national paid family and medical leave program, and expanded programs to support parents in the workplace — such as training employers to recognize signs of family stress. He wants pediatricians to provide more mental-health screenings for parents when they bring in their kids. In other words, these experts want employers to become hypervigilant about their workers’ mental-health challenges, and for the government, whose track record is not exactly stellar on entitlement programs, to expand its footprint into even more wasteful and unproven social-welfare initiatives. What could go wrong? But we already know the answer. We’ve been listening for years to mental-health experts who pathologize normal aspects of the human experience whilst ignoring basic, healthy fixes, like promoting resilience and positive messaging. And we’ve seen the results: More Americans than ever report feelings of depression, loneliness and a lack of purpose. The surgeon general should stick to issuing warnings on real health threats like tobacco. Americans are better off leaving his prescriptions on parenthood unfilled. Bethany Mandel is the co-author of “Stolen Youth” and a homeschooling mother of six based in greater Washington, DC.
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