Sweden launched a groundbreaking new law last week that allows grandparents to get paid for taking care of grandchildren for three months, as the Nordic country’s generous social services system now allows parents to transfer a portion of paid leave days to their own parents. No such arrangement exists in Ireland, where accessing and affording suitable childcare proves challenging for many families, and grandparents often look after grandchildren when their adult children are working outside the home. But is it fair to expect grandparents to plug the childcare gap when they’ve already reared their own children? Are today’s parents of young children taking advantage of grandparental goodwill, or is all this extra time with the grandchildren a happy consequence of a creaking childcare system?
Carol Phillips, from Baldoyle in Dublin, made it clear to her children from the off that she wouldn’t be a childminder to her grandchildren. At 49 years old, Phillips has two grandsons – Adam (6) and Jacob (3) – and while she’s very happy to help out in an emergency, or if her daughter had an appointment to attend, she has remained true to her word and is not part of her grandsons’ formal childcare arrangements. Phillips became a mother herself for the first time at 17 and all four of her children were born before her 29th birthday. “Why should I do it twice? I’ve done my time,” she says, noting that her own mother did not mind her children. “I don’t think anybody’s parents should have to mind the grandkids. Babysitting at night when you want to go out, that’s different. I’ve done that,” she says. But when it comes to being part of a childcare arrangement, she’s very clear. “That’s your own responsibility,” she says. “Everybody’s had to do it.”
According to the most recent Irish Longitudinal Study on Ageing (Tilda) report 42 per cent of older adults reported looking after a grandchild in the last month. “Tilda data repeatedly shows that older people make valuable contributions to their children and society, as evidenced by grandparental care provision and civic engagement,” says Prof Cathal McCrory, professor in Life Course Development and Ageing at Trinity College Dublin and co-principal investigator of Tilda. The 2020 report also reveals that 54 per cent of men and women aged 65-74 provide care for grandchildren, with these numbers remaining high even after the age of 75, when 30 per cent of men and 21 per cent of women report providing care. Tilda senior research fellow Dr Christine McGarrigle explains: “Women, in general are much more likely to be the childcare provider in grandchildren care. But obviously, once men retire they have much more free time and so they seem to be much more involved in the care of grandchildren as well.” A fresh report is due to be published later this year.
Phillips worked outside the home while rearing her own four children. By taking advantage of job-sharing and term-time options, she managed to work around school and playschool hours. She feels parents need to “work around them and their children, rather than dragging other people into the fold”. She feels there is “100 per cent” an expectation that grandparents should take on the role of childminder for their grandchildren. “I think there’s more of an expectation with this generation, period.” She worries that, if grandparents are taking on the role of childminder, there could be fewer opportunities to enjoy the relationship between grandmother or grandfather and grandchild. “I’m assuming there’s a lot of people that want to go out at the weekend and would still expect the grandparents to babysit them.” There’s also the energy factor, she adds, noting that taking care of two energetic little boys can be full-on. Phillips does not feel her decision not to be part of her grandchildren’s childcare has caused any bad or resentful feelings with her daughter as the boundary was set from the beginning. She thinks it’s possibly even beneficial for her relationship with her daughter not to be their minder, due to different generational parenting styles.
